(this didn’t publish before For Some Reason, so here it is)
In the unofficial Lost Episode of 2016, Rob & Jim needle each other with terrible jokes while trying desperately to talk about Uninvited, a 90-minute movie about a poisonous mutant cat killing randos on a yacht. This summary is about five times more awesome than the movie actually is. Topics discussed include the state of the Party Camp Cinematic Universe, how to incriminate yourself for a murder you did not actually commit, and whether or not Wing Commander had better cat puppets. Next time: The Ballad of Actual Cannibal Randy Quaid!
Facing an unprecedented surge in worldwide ant populations, Rob & Jim are dispatched to the latest incident site and given full access to the resources of the Technodrome… but only for 48 hours. After spending two weeks knocking over anthills with a grenade launcher, they engage the dome’s defense systems and discover that – due to a slight miscommunication – they’re armed with a popular Coldplay single instead of experimental insecticide. The ants eat the flesh from their bones, and the world is devoured by the All-Consuming Overhive. Kind of an improvement, honestly. Up next: an orange cat that hates both Mondays and Clu Gulager!
Emerging from their podcast bunker, Rob & Jim find themselves in a changed world. A world where right is wrong, where truth is falsehood, and where a movie called Phenomena contains few phenomena and a whole lot of nothing. Discussions include how to properly pronounce ‘Wagner,’ a brief digression on the Halloween series, and what Rob would choose as his supervillain name. There’s… not a whole lot else. Next time: ants! ANTS! AAAAAAAANTS!
Having been fans of the theatre for some time, Rob & Jim finally get a chance to Meet the Feebles, and what they discover backstage is truly shocking. Topics discussed include the mechanics of walrus sex, the exact value of a puppet’s life, and when it’s acceptable to use live ammunition in a movie shoot. Also: the horrors of Puppet Vietnam.
Having sought out the legendary artifact, Rob & Jim open the Lament Configuration and experience a whole new dimension of suffering: the final theatrically-released Hellraiser movie, Hellraiser: Bloodline! Topics carved into their flesh include praise for Doug Bradley’s amazing performance, the abridged filmography of Alan Smithee, and whether or not the puzzle box has ever made sense as a prop. Plus: If you would like to hasten Rob & Jim’s escape from Hell, please donate one drop of blood per episode to get access to our bonus recordings. For three drops of blood, we will attempt to scream your name from the depths of the ninth circle!
Rob & Jim run afoul of the Gummo Curse, which is to say they’ve had a very strange week and are also having trouble talking about Gummo. Are these things related? Maybe. Topics briefly touched upon include nihilism, simulated animal cruelty, and fruit flies. Lots and lots and lots of fruit flies. In the process of writing this summary I’ve killed at least a dozen, so that’s how my day is going. How are you? Next time: we’re bringing this cube to SPACE!
(ed. note: in the process of scheduling the release of this episode, I have killed another dozen fruit flies. i guess this is just my life now?)
Rob & Jim have a very special friend they would like to introduce you to. He’s… kind of a Santa Claus, but also kind of an uncle? He’s My Uncle: The Alien, and he has an important message for you kids about classism. Topics awkwardly raised over Thanksgiving dinner include the complete incompetence of the secret service, when it’s appropriate to threaten children with death in a movie intended for kids, and a bizarre digression about aliens that is immediately forgotten about. Also: OUTLAW! LASER! ROBO-GEEK!